I have been learning that whenever we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else. Every single choice we make, consciously or not, is still engrained with intention. What a beautiful and chaotic season this has been for me. While some may claim that I am “doing too much”, in this season, it has been just the miracle I needed. This time two years ago, I had no idea what I would be doing with my life. I had gone through a deep loss that left me feeling like a clean slate — but certainly one that needed some time to breath and figure out how to just be a functioning human again. There is a time for survival mode, a time for restoration, and then a time to thrive.
The problem is, our culture obsesses over perfection rather than the reality that comes with hustling, running your own business, or just adulting in general. Instagram only shows the pretty photos that make life seem completely effortless and fun 100% of the time (anyone else seeing the countless pictures of girls that happen to never not be on a boat in a bikini with a really massive glass of rosé, or is that just me?). And while I love what I do and am SO grateful for the big questions I’ve been able to say “yes” to recently, sacrifices must be made.
Social media doesn’t show the late nights of editing and working alone. It doesn’t show the endless client emails that always seem to take priority over all other things. It doesn’t express how isolating it can feel sometimes to be blazing your own trail into the unknown everyday. It doesn’t show how badly you miss your friends. It doesn’t show that feeling that you are always letting someone down. It doesn’t show a body with chronic illness that is so burnt out, but doesn’t have time to stop. It doesn’t show the missed calls from your mom. It doesn’t show the times you want to feel sexy and just feel bloated and drained instead. It doesn’t show the parties you’ve missed due to work or just shear exhaustion.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: this is not a complaining post. This is a post about the truth of our choices and the importance of balance. I am unapologetically working my butt off to create a life I love — a life that can sustain me in the long term through some intense short term hustling. I am just learning that we can’t do it all ALL the time.
I am looking forward to a season of peace this fall…to some intentional time off…to dinners with friends, girls nights, traveling just because, and guilt-free self care. I am also looking forward to being more disciplined, setting boundaries, and FINALLY forcing myself to take a real day off each week (which actually terrifies me, because when you run your own business, it really never ends unless we choose to turn it off).
Last night, I texted a friend just to tell her that I love her. Her response was: “I needed this so badly right now. Thank you. I love you so much and am always holding space for you.” That’s all it takes — it’s all we require. Not perfection. Not some magical amount of time or money to appear. Just a touch of space, held for those and by those we love.
Moral of the story for anyone who needed this: you’re not alone. You’re not bad. You’re not a disappointment. You’re not letting everyone down. You’re not missing out. You’re not supposed to do it all. Don’t beat yourself up. Your hard work matters. You are seen. The people who really love you aren’t going anywhere. Give yourself a little grace.