Ghost Town

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“Died last night in my dreams
Walking the streets
Of some old ghost town
I tried to believe
In James Dean
But Hollywood sold out

Saw all of the saints
Lock up the gates
I could not enter
Walked into the flames
Called out your name
But there was no answer

And now I know my heart is a ghost town”

Photography always fascinated me due to it’s unique ability to freeze a moment. It allows time to keep, hold, embrace, internalize, reflect. The emotions evoked and stories told through a simple picture are powerful.

Restless in bed last night with a chihuahua glued to me and a glass of soy milk in hand, I flipped through old photos, and the memories came flooding in. While ugly crying and having numerous thoughts, one of the pictures brought a very strange and potent bitter-sweet emotion to the surface, leaving me with a single question…why on earth did I miss going to weekly counseling appointments with this man I am no longer with?

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The photo above was one I took during the same week of a big meeting we had with our marriage therapist, and my heart began to ache all over again. This image made me miss those counseling appointments, oddly enough, because regardless of the fights, debates, or misunderstandings, it was once a week I knew I’d see my best friend.

Los Angeles can feel haunted, after the loss of a best friend, family member, and 6 year confidant in this same city. These places and photos can be overwhelming at times. But don’t get me wrong…I love a good ghost story.

None of the memories are wasted. Even like the counseling appointments that were draining and difficult, I don’t view it as a fail. Much was learned. So I will hold these photos and moments close…to allow myself to grow and process it into something beautiful. I think I’m just beginning to understand this whole “redemption” thing.

The images in today’s post are details in some of my favorite Hollywood haunts. Streets that whisper my name, diners that seem to be screaming past sweet nothings exchanged, bookstores where gazes felt infinite. Thank you for entering my spooky story 😉 Thank you for allowing me to be honest, open, and vulnerable with my words and art, even when it isn’t literally or figuratively “picture perfect.”

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“I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I’d get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me ‘I love you take a right’
The ten and the two is the loneliest sight

I’m gonna steer clear
I’d burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear
Cause I’d die if I saw you
I’d die if I didn’t see you there”

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4 thoughts on “Ghost Town

  1. I pray for you often and my heart aches for you. We moved to CA a year ago and if you ever want to meet for prayer let me know my sister. We’ve been married 16 years now. 10 without God and 6 with Him. We separated after two years of marriage and I remember those days. God has used it for His glory now (2 Cor 1:3-5).

    As Christians we are called to edify and stir one another to love and good deeds, and encourage each other…I’m here if you ever want to talk my sister. Arcelia.miller@yahoo.com

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