Near to the Brokenhearted

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“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
-C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

My heart is heavier than ever today as I write this message to you all. After years of a deep friendship and relationship, and just a little over a year of marriage, Nathan and I are no longer together. I realize that this may come as a shock to many of you who are not in our day-to-day lives. This is extremely devastating, disappointing, and while this is not an easy thing for me to share, I am doing it out of protection for both of us. I will not be sharing details, or answering any questions, as those are not necessary. I am, however, updating you all simply because I know that people will begin wondering what’s going on.

Since I met Nathan years ago, he has been a wonderful man of God who I was blessed to have as a best friend. Doing life together taught me a lot about myself, and while we are both very young, immature, and imperfect, we have also helped each other learn and grow. Watching this relationship come to a close has had it’s excruciating moments. Through the years, we shared memories, traditions, thoughts, ideals, and dreams. He knows my demons and darkest moments, and I know his. He knows the brand and shade of makeup that I use. I know what he eats on his cheat days. This is a significant loss. Years and years were spent investing time and energy into this relationship, and this is the most difficult and painful thing I have ever experienced.

Regardless of where we have ended up, I only want to see this man flourish and grow with a beautiful life. I love him dearly and wish him the very best…a healthy, happy life, and I know that he wishes me the same.

I am not asking for opinions, just prayer. It is a devastating thing to have a relationship end. It is a mourning, growing, and refining process during this huge transition in our lives.

I am so grateful for my incredible friends and family who have offered such an abundant amount of grace, love, and support during the toughest season of my life. Keep Nathan and I both in your prayers, and I ask that you extend grace and respect our privacy during this time. I don’t know what to make of all this. I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know that God is in the midst. He is still good.

There’s a quote I read recently by Priscillia Shirer that said, “God will redeem your pain and replace it with purpose.” That is my greatest hope, for Nathan and for myself. There is so much pain, it is overwhelming. But God is still sovereign, even through what I do not understand and don’t know how to process perfectly. Thank you for your prayers.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. I mourn with you and I will pray. These are wise mature words and it is clear God is with you. Hugs my sister

  2. sirpoins says:

    I’m very sorry to hear this. Six years ago I went through a divorce that utterly devastated me. I didn’t realize it, but internalized everything and ran from God. Only about three weeks ago was I able to start living again. I know the pain you’re both feeling and I’m sorry for you. All I can say is no matter what, no matter how hard things get and no matter much you think you’ve failed anything…DO NOT FORGET His grace. I didn’t realize I’d punished myself for failing at marriage and had completely forgotten that I’m forgiven. Please don’t do the same. I’ll keep you both in my prayers.

  3. sirpoins says:

    I’m very sorry to hear this. I went through a divorce 6 years ago that utterly devastated me. I ran from God and disappeared inside myself. Please do not lose faith. You are forgiven for everything. When my marriage failed I felt I let God down, but He already knew and I was already forgiven. It took 6 years for me to find peace, don’t let that happen. This will be hard and it will hurt…just keep your faith because we are tested…and I lost myself. I’ll be praying for you both and I know God will never leave you…

  4. Clare Arthur says:

    Oh Rachael, I am so sorry. I can only imagine how much you are hurting and how heavy your heart is right now. Thank you for telling us all so honestly and openly. You have my prayers and ‘virtual’ support from afar xxx

  5. mamastacey says:

    I’m so sorry. I had started to wonder. Praying for God’s direction for both of you.

  6. Dawn says:

    So grieved to hear this news. I will be praying for you both. May the Lord touch those raw parts inside you that hurt so much, and heal them in His time. He cares for you.

  7. Judy says:

    I have heard Nathan’s recent desperate plea spoken word poetry and read your own pain-filled poem a week or two back. Raw fear, sorrow, anger in the seeming unfairness of what life sometimes asks in the aftermath of promises made. I have been praying.

  8. Shelly Roy says:

    Oh sweet Rachael, I am so very sorry for your pain, and for Nathan’s. In the midst of a broken world Jesus is our hope and our healer. I am praying comfort and healing on you. Much love and many prayers.

  9. Kelly says:

    I’m so very sorry for you both
    I pray you will be ok & Nathan as well.
    I pray you both will grow & be ok.

  10. Praying. God is near the broken-hearted and the hurting. My prayer is that His peace and comfort would surround you both.

  11. Tanya says:

    Praying for you both. Love how you are so honest and transparent. Your faith is there for all to see. It’s a great encouragement even when you maybe feel like you can’t be. Sending you big cyber hugs xxx

  12. Leah says:

    Crying and praying for both you and Nathan.

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