“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
-C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
My heart is heavier than ever today as I write this message to you all. After years of a deep friendship and relationship, and just a little over a year of marriage, Nathan and I are no longer together. I realize that this may come as a shock to many of you who are not in our day-to-day lives. This is extremely devastating, disappointing, and while this is not an easy thing for me to share, I am doing it out of protection for both of us. I will not be sharing details, or answering any questions, as those are not necessary. I am, however, updating you all simply because I know that people will begin wondering what’s going on.
Since I met Nathan years ago, he has been a wonderful man of God who I was blessed to have as a best friend. Doing life together taught me a lot about myself, and while we are both very young, immature, and imperfect, we have also helped each other learn and grow. Watching this relationship come to a close has had it’s excruciating moments. Through the years, we shared memories, traditions, thoughts, ideals, and dreams. He knows my demons and darkest moments, and I know his. He knows the brand and shade of makeup that I use. I know what he eats on his cheat days. This is a significant loss. Years and years were spent investing time and energy into this relationship, and this is the most difficult and painful thing I have ever experienced.
Regardless of where we have ended up, I only want to see this man flourish and grow with a beautiful life. I love him dearly and wish him the very best…a healthy, happy life, and I know that he wishes me the same.
I am not asking for opinions, just prayer. It is a devastating thing to have a relationship end. It is a mourning, growing, and refining process during this huge transition in our lives.
I am so grateful for my incredible friends and family who have offered such an abundant amount of grace, love, and support during the toughest season of my life. Keep Nathan and I both in your prayers, and I ask that you extend grace and respect our privacy during this time. I don’t know what to make of all this. I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know that God is in the midst. He is still good.
There’s a quote I read recently by Priscillia Shirer that said, “God will redeem your pain and replace it with purpose.” That is my greatest hope, for Nathan and for myself. There is so much pain, it is overwhelming. But God is still sovereign, even through what I do not understand and don’t know how to process perfectly. Thank you for your prayers.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18