War of the Women

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Freedom & feminism…two “F” words that I feel need to be discussed today.

As a young woman living in Hollywood in this generation, I have been tempted many times to allow myself to get sucked into the way the world tries to define us. I will not speak as to how men define women, because I am not a man. That is an entirely different discussion, and I think we need to start infiltrating from within the walls of our own army…women. In a culture of “strong women” fighting for equality, rights, and the desire to be taken seriously, it truly blows my mind to see the way that WOMEN are defining women. You don’t have to leave the radio on for too long to hear how women talk about our gender…

“I’m bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny b****es that
No, I’m just playing. I know you think you’re fat
But I’m here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”
You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll
So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along.”

Not only are we hating on women who aren’t our size, but we are making ourselves sex objects.
Curves=someone will love you. Curves=someone will have sex with you.
So, as women, we are saying that’s the goal? That’s the grand prize? Look a certain way, and you get to be deemed a sex symbol.

Now, I get it. It’s a fun, catchy song, and she’s trying to tell women they’re great the way they are. I’m not trying to jump to another extreme here. However, I do think the way we are communicating and conveying our messages to and about each other is not healthy, strong, or freeing at all. Referring to each other as b****es, hoes, and other demeaning “vocabulary words” isn’t going to help our cause. If we care about the way men and pop culture define us, we should be more careful about the identities we are cultivating for women ourselves.

If we want to be taken seriously,
These words, condescensions, and comparisons need to stop. If we want to be seen as intelligent, capable, and more than just sex objects, isn’t it time that we start spreading that message ourselves through the way we live, communicate, and treat each other?

We are projecting our own small point of view and personal experience on every other woman.
Skinny hating curvy.
Curvy hating skinny.
Working hating the stay-at-home.
Stay-at-home hating the working.

You’ve probably heard me say this in past articles, but it’s so much more effective to promote what we love rather than bash what we hate. When did it all become a war of the women?

When we shame and condemn each other, it is counter productive to our common goal of wanting to be seen as strong and worthy. It ends up being clear insecurity. Learn to love who you are rather than breaking others down.

Freedom is not found in the label of feminism.
Freedom is not found in comparing ourselves to other women.
Freedom is not found in changing our bodies to please men.

Freedom is found in being wonderfully made. We are all unique…different shapes, sizes, colors, backgrounds, identities, minds, hearts, and souls. Our strength and freedom comes from stepping into who God designed us to be.

We can’t change the way everyone else views women. But our personal efforts matter, because it is a personal matter.
In the ways we demean each other, we are defining each other.
In the ways we condemn and compare, we are controlling and taking away our own freedom.

Why is freedom greater than “feminism?” Because while true, authentic “feminism” may be freeing for some (when lived out as the actual advocacy as women’s rights and freedoms), for most, it has become just another label with many more controversies and comparisons. What would happen if we left the labels behind, stopped comparing ourselves to others, stopped trying to prove something to the world, and actually found true freedom in who we were made to be as intricately crafted masterpieces?

As women, together, let’s stop putting each other in a box. Condemning and being hateful toward our fellow sisters doesn’t serve any sort of positive purpose in regards to building strong women. It makes us weaker and causes further damage and self-esteem issues in the hearts and minds of other ladies. Bashing and/or labeling each other takes away our freedom as women and only chains us to our insecurities.

Call it what you want…feminism, freedom, whatever. The point is, if we want to be valued by men or anyone else in the world, the battle begins with us. How are you treating the women around you? How are you communicating the message of who women are? How are you carrying yourself with strength and dignity? How can you live as a woman who believes she is wonderfully made?

We are on the same team.
We are fighting the same war, and we can fight together toward the goal of being known as valuable and cherished.
Be an infiltrator of freedom in the lives of the women around you today.

{Beautiful photo credit: elizabethlaurenphoto.com}

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Really good post today. Girls everywhere need to hear this message.

  2. Gianna says:

    I have been thinking this lately. Even the whole “Strong is the new skinny…”
    Why? Why do we need to find some aspect of ourselves that makes us sexy? Why does it have to revolve around somebody being attracted to us? Why can’t we be beautiful women, or Godly women, or active women, or cheerful women instead of sexy?

    We. Are. Not. Objects. We are people. We have interests and values and hobbies and lives that fling beauty infinitely farther than being “sexy” ever will. We are interesting and valued and we live, and we don’t need to be things that meet a standard, but people who are loved.

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