The Halloween Card

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{The photo above is from Halloween when I was 4 or 5 years old. I was Pocahontas, my brother was Rocky (which explains the amazing black eye). I tried to copy him and do a peace sign, but I guess I only managed to get one finger up.}

It’s interesting how the smallest moments can have such an incredible impact on our lives. If you know me, you know I love holidays, love traditions, and love making memories with the people I hold dear. I talk a lot about the importance of tradition in my life…but there are so many people and events who have made my traditions what they are. I am also a bit of a hoarder when it comes to cards (I have kept every card a family member has ever given me). Since one of my main love languages is words of affirmation, there is something deeply valuable to me about handwritten words from someone who loves me.

I have MANY Halloween memories. Trick or treating, feeling so cool wandering around with my big brother, my mom making me amazing home made costumes, and eating so much chocolate that I would go into sugar shock. But one thing that not many people know is that Halloween always makes me think of my biological father.

It’s a bit strange, because I don’t really have memories of spending or celebrating any Halloweens with him. The reason this holiday makes me think of him is because of a Halloween card he gave me when I was in elementary school. I was a little girl, and was easily amused (who am I kidding-not much has changed). I thought the slightest technology was AMAZING. This was back before greeting cards were really hi-tech. He sent me a Halloween card, and when I opened it, it played a spooky song. This ridiculous song brought me so much joy. I remember opening and shutting it over and over again. Sometimes I would even keep it next to my bed and listen to the song, because that was the closest thing I had to him. The awesome, scary ghost song wasn’t the best part of that card, though. It’s what was written inside…

“Happy Halloween, Rachael! Daddy loves you SO much.”

To this day, I still have that card. I finally wore out the music, after playing it for years and years, thinking of him each and every time. Little things like songs and cards have always been important to me. I often wonder if he knows that. If he knows that the role he played in my life, no matter how small, had a life-altering, deepening, meaningful impact on my heart. 

Years of my life were spent in confusion, frustration, anger, and hurt…wondering if I wasn’t enough, if he really loved me, why he wasn’t able to be present. But I find peace and sincere gratitude for things like that Halloween card. That card was a symbol of his love for me…it was a gesture…it was his effort…and I deeply appreciate it.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Gianna says:

    I love your chubby, child-cheeks. 🙂

    I also love my daddy.
    It’s a good post that makes me want to cry, almost.

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