“Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame…”
-From The Inside Out, Hillsong
Recently, I have come to realize this shocking truth as an early twenty-something:
I don’t have all of the answers.
I don’t have life completely figured out.
I’m not a genius.
I have a long way to go.
My entire adult life, and even a little before, I moved to Hollywood to pursue my career in the entertainment industry. While I love this crazy, beautiful life I’m so blessed to have, I truly believe that our culture puts so much pressure on us to have it all together overnight.
We want so badly to have purpose…to know who we are…to have meaning…and to be able to validate our lives. As a writer, I have come to realize that in order for me to be able to write excellent stories and have a legacy of my own, I need to actually involve myself in this life, rather than flying through it, pretending to have it all together.
While I know who I am to a certain degree, I am only 23 years old. I don’t have the answers to everything, and I’m learning to be really okay with that, because it means there is so much life for me to soak up. I have always been extremely driven and focused, but lately, I have felt that my heart needs to slow down. I want to enjoy and experience life so that I have something to truly live for. In the chaos of trying to “find ourselves”, we miss the point and become so overwhelmed trying to live up to the expectations of others, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or even our dreams.
In Luke 9:23-24, Jesus so beautifully explains how we can find ourselves and our purpose:
“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.”
To find ourselves, we must ultimately lose ourselves. I don’t mean giving up on your dreams or ideals–please don’t do that 😉 But our culture doesn’t prioritize rest, quiet time, or finding our true meaning in our walk with Jesus. And sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves in a certain season is to learn and grow, not just push forward and keep going at 100 mph!
Jesus talks about us denying ourselves and following him. He doesn’t sugarcoat it or make it sound easy. But I believe that God’s plan for my life is so much healthier than the pressure filled life of striving for perfection I could ever plan for myself.
We are constantly growing and changing as young women. I’m still trying to navigate what my identity is..who I am…being spiritual for myself…being disciplined…making difficult choices…balancing my career with rest…learning what’s truly important…what my identity is now as a wife…and so much more.
Sometimes it is just overwhelming trying to “prove ourselves” and make our lives happen. But at 23, I’m ready to take some time to get to know myself better. And the best way for me to do that is to get to know Jesus better at the same time.
As you are seeking to know Jesus better, there are other ways you can join me in my mission to getting to know myself better. You can grow and have a better understanding of who you are by:
-Daily journaling and reflecting
-Prioritizing quiet time everyday
-Reading excellent books
-Daily time in scripture
-Going for a walk each day
-Praying and asking God to guide your choices
I will probably always blog every week, but if I’m not blogging daily, it’s because I’m prioritizing my own personal growth. I’m probably reading a book, walking my chihuahua, spending time with my husband, talking to God, journaling, and getting to know who 23 year old Rachael Lee Clarkson is.
I have tried to master the art of acting…
Living on my own…
Leading young women…
Being a newlywed…
But right now, I want to refocus and work on mastering the art of losing myself.