What is love?
The Notebook? Fighting? Passion? Crying? Screaming? Cheating? Getting what you want? While I love romantic films, our culture hasn’t done the best job of showing us how to have a successful marriage. And unfortunately, for many of us who come from broken families and divorced parents, perhaps we haven’t witnessed first hand what a healthy marriage looks like.
Since I got engaged, I have been relentlessly seeking God’s definition of marriage in scripture, and the wisdom of His word as well as other wise women. A few days ago, I decided to start a new group in my home…the wives club. It is a place where once a month, we will meet for tea, encourage each other, pray for our marriages, and gain from the wisdom of women who have walked out what a godly marriage truly is.
One of the women, who has been married for 13 years, said that marriage is God’s way of sanctifying us. We must die to ourselves, put someone else first, consider them in everything with love and respect (easier said than done).
Tim Keller says:
“God never calls anyone into a covenant relationship unless it’s a saving relationship.”
Marriage is sanctifying and God’s way of cleansing us as we make a covenant with someone else. God doesn’t call us into any covenant relationship that is not a saving, sanctifying relationship.
Since I got engaged, my mind had to figure out the fairytale details. Wedding, food, flowers, dresses, honeymoon, decorating. While it is so exciting and truly will be a beautiful day, we put so much effort into one day, and view ourselves as these princesses, yet many women prepare themselves for the actual marriage. The dying of self, the compromises, bettering ourselves for our husbands, reading, studying, seeking wisdom.
It’s no wonder that many newlyweds find themselves shocked. While marriage is going to be beautiful and will pour into me in many ways, it’s not just about me. It’s about my husband. It’s about God. It’s about vows and covenants meaning something and being more than eloquent words we say on one day when everything feels romantic.
I want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding.
Marriage is a place to be redeemed and renewed. It is a place where God can make you holy.
Whether you are engaged, married, dating, or just WANT to be married someday, I deeply encourage you to take a couple minutes today and watch Jefferson Bethke’s spoken word video on sex, marriage, and fairy tales.
His words are blunt but so true.
“You don’t fall out of love as much as you fall out of repentance.”
“In marriage, we either get better or bitter. Joy or remorses. It’s easy to see, just look at the rate of divorces.”
“We thought marriage was supposed to make us happy, not lonely. But God’s first priority is making you holy.”