Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
‘Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
-By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North
My fiancé was the first person to introduce me to this song a couple years ago. Although I’ve heard it countless times, tears rolled down my face tonight as I was so impacted by the lyrics. This has been a wonderful month of wedding planning, traveling, seeing family, and shooting a film…but sometimes in the midst of chaotic schedules, I find myself feeling more human than ever.
At 22 years old, I can say that I’m still human. Haven’t reached “perfection” yet…and the news flash is that I never will. Thank goodness, however, God doesn’t expect perfection. Yes-I still sin. I still stress, snap at my mom, cry, get angry, get tired, get frustrated, and feel defeated.
The other night, in the midst of some serious stress and exhaustion, my brother was visiting and he held me as I sobbed. You know-the ugly cry. I let out every bit of sadness and worry I had been holding onto. I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing and safe I felt there. As my eyes are crying and nose is running, my brother is holding me tightly and holding onto my head. In that moment, I felt God’s love and imagined that if God could have comforted me in a tangible way, it might feel something like that.
In the midst of my striving for perfection and trying to earn grace, love, and affirmation, I forgot that it has already been given to me. God has already given me a family who loves me, and they know I’m not perfect. My fiancé knows my flaws and he wants to spend forever with me.
Most of all, God is with me. Each time I worry, stress, and make a mess of things, He is holding me and loves me just the same. This is good news, but the even better news is that it isn’t unique. This isn’t just for me. God is ready to do the same for you. Take a deep breath and fall into His loving arms today.