Tonight as I sat in my cozy, North Hollywood apartment bedroom, sipping a hot cup of lavender Earl Grey tea, I began to look back at old photos from a few years ago…high school years and on.
While those years weren’t all bad, I do believe they were a bit wasted and filled with unnecessary growing pains. Wasted on insecurity, low self esteem, lack of direction, desire for affirmation, and a deep longing for love.
If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be:
“Rachael: just be yourself. Really. It’ll be okay. The true you is beautiful, and you will find love once you learn to love yourself.”
As cliche as all of this may sound, I promise you, it’s true. You see, I spent so many years wishing I could just be the “it girl”…beautiful, successful, intelligent, funny, interesting, perfect. My desire for this perfection starved my soul of anything that had meaning. It drove me far from God and into some very dark places that I struggled to navigate. The perfect facades can’t last very long, and soon enough, disappointment and insecurities consume us when we strive for such unrealistic lives.
My fiancé and I were talking earlier tonight about how much we love that we can just be strange and weird and say silly things around each other…totally comfortable…absolutely secure. This realization brought me so much joy…because I see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown.
Jesus came into my heart and consumed me in such a powerful way that I stopped caring what others thought of me. No critique could ever trump the truth that my God says I am.
Beautifully, wonderfully made.
I’m silly. Strange. Creative. Wild. Calm. Introverted. Extroverted. Crazy. Sane. Sound abnormal to you? No…you see…that’s my normal. I am me…and it took me many years to realize that being myself was a beautiful thing to be.
If you find yourself today striving to live up to someone else’s expectations, trying to fit in, seeking status…I beg you to stop. Breath. Relax. Enjoy this life God has given you. Love yourself and be who you are…because the creator of the universe designed you specifically. You are unique, and that is your normal.