Father’s Day is a holiday that tends to come with mixed emotions for most of our generation.
This day can be bitter sweet, confusing, and for some, extremely saddening.
As young women, we look to our fathers to see our own value, worth, and beauty. Dads set the bar for how other men should treat us. Daddys are our first loves. We expect our fathers to protect and care for us at all costs. I remember being just a toddler, and sitting with my biological father. He was so big, strong, and handsome.
As my tiny arms locked onto his, I felt so safe…so comforted…like nothing in the world could hurt me. I remember asking him if I could marry him someday. To my tiny eyes, he was everything. Handsome, smart, strong…and most of all, he loved me.
As our family dynamic changed and he became less involved in my life, I became a very vulnerable and confused young woman. I wanted so badly to be loved. I wanted to be enough. This pursuit and struggle lead me through some very difficult years, and some not-so-great decisions.
I know that John Mayer may not be the best male role model, but the lyrics of his song always hit me hard and resonate with something deep in my soul.
“Fathers be good to your daughters,
Daughters will love like you do.”
My idea of love was tainted. My views on value and worth were blurred. I was incredibly blessed to have my dad choose to be in my life (I don’t call him my step dad, because he isn’t.) It always made me feel incredibly special to know that he is choosing to be in my life. He had no obligation…he still doesn’t. At 22, my dad just paid parking tickets of mine recently without even telling me. He is that kind of man. He is selfless and loves me without expecting anything in return.
I remember my dad picking me up from school and letting me ride on his shoulders. I felt invincible. Having him in my life restored pieces of my heart that I thought would be forever broken.
Even with the incredible dad I am so blessed to have, I will always struggle with feelings of inadequacy. On my more difficult days, I find myself feeling abandoned…feeling unworthy…wondering if I wasn’t enough…wondering if I’m still not enough.
No person and no worldly gift can renew us in the way that God can. I have had some extremely dark moments. I remember days where I’d look at myself in the mirror with hatred, wondering if I would ever feel worthy of love. If it weren’t for me choosing to accept God as my father, I would be a very different young woman.
I would still be broken. I would still be severely insecure. I would still be making terrible choices due to my lack of confidence or belief in myself. I would still be drowning. I would still feel sick. I would still feel confused.
I don’t know what kind of situation you have with your earthly father. But I can tell you that whether it’s fantastic or extremely painful, your heart will always desire a deeper connection. God has that for you. I am speaking from experience when I say that God is capable of restoring anything. You are not too broken. You are not a lost cause. You are not too much for Him to handle.
God has repaired the parts of me that I thought were permanently damaged. He has cared for me, given me protection, confidence, value, and made me new again. That is what the love of a father should do.
On this Father’s Day, I want you to know that God will meet you exactly where you are. You can begin this life changing relationship today. It was hard for me to let go of my cynical and bitter feelings…but I promise you, taking this leap of faith will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Happy Father’s Day. Don’t forget that your father loves you, values you, cares for you, cries for you, and sees you as priceless.