I Once Was Lost…

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As a little girl, I was silly, wide eyed, and unafraid. Not much worried me, nothing stood in my way. Most children live life that way…overcome with bliss, trust, joy, and complete peace about the future.

Have you ever tried to navigate a new route? Driving off in a direction you are unfamiliar with…feeling confused and lost until finally you don’t remember how to get back home at all. That happened to my life. I can’t pin point exactly when or how…I just know that I somehow drifted so far away that I thought it would be impossible for me to return home.

I don’t believe that anyone in my family necessarily thought of me as emotional growing up. I tried so hard to hold it all in, pull myself together, and be strong no matter what was crumbling around me. But as the insecurities of life set in, my soul began to crack.

For a long time I identified myself as unworthy. I wondered what about me was so hard to love. Whether it was in regards to my biological father, boyfriends, or my own negative self image, I spent too many important years thinking I was a lost cause.

I truly never believed in a million years that I could return to being blissful. I never thought I’d feel like a princess again. That’s what Satan wants. He wants to destroy children. He want us to feel tainted, scarred, flawed, sinful, and impossible.

A big wake up call for me a while back was when I opened up my bible to Matthew 18:3. This particular scripture talked about how we can’t enter the kingdom of God unless we become childlike again. This struck in such a heavy way. Children are carefree, forgiving, trusting, joyful and peaceful. I, however, was stressed, anxious, upset, worried, and drained.

This seemed like an impossible expectation. How could God believe that after all we have been through, we could actually be childlike?

Psalm 23:3 says:

“He refreshes and restores my life.”

These have become living words for me to live by, and I hope they are the same for you. God can mend the most broken piece of us. He is capable of restoring the tattered and torn parts of my heart. God has fixed my soul in ways I never thought possible.

I was completely lost. No compass. No GPS. No idea how to navigate adult life. Being childlike means trusting. Once I began to just give everything I had to God, He restored my life.

Nothing you have done is too sinful for God to restore.
Nowhere you’ve been is so far that He can’t bring you home.

I find myself laughing, smiling, trusting, and seeing joy in every moment. My life is filled with so much peace, even when I don’t know what the future may bring.

No matter how old you are, and no matter who or what has stolen your innocence, God will make you a child again.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me…
I once was lost but now I’m found,
Was blind, but now, I see.”

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2 thoughts on “I Once Was Lost…

  1. I don’t know you very well just what I have heard from others but I can tell you that your inspiration, guidance and love for god is so abundance that anyone who reads your posts and blogs can see what an amazing daughter in Christ you are. It is really a privilege to read your stories and experience the same life lessons through such young eyes. You are an inspiration to so many.

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