I found myself exhausted tonight. Life always sends me running around (and sometimes it even feels as though I’m running in circles).
As I was reading the book of John, I found myself in a conversation with God tonight. This dialog turned into a bunch of thoughts, twirling around my head…dancing in my brain. Since these thoughts didn’t come out in a pretty, eloquent, composed manner, I won’t try to explain them that way to you. Im not going to spend time editing and over analyzing this. I just need to share something with you. Often times, prayer is raw. So-here goes. Consider this my “rough draft” conversation with God.
“Crisis. Isn’t it all around us?
But what is it really all about?
What’s the big crisis?
I can’t blame the world. I can’t blame the flaws or brokenness of those around me. It’s so clear what the true crisis actually is. In a world with a God who brings light, we still run for the darkness.
I still run for the darkness.
God, you can give me everything and my selfish heart will long for more.
You could give me my own personal sun and I’d still find my way to the dark. John says this could be from fear. Maybe even shame. As embarrassing as it sounds, this could even stem from a lack of desire or care to please you at all. Or is it my sin? Is it enough to continue saying, “Oh well-I’m just human.”
No. It’s not enough. My excuses have expired. You have done too much for me and sacrificed it all. I can’t keep running.
My legs are tired from all the running. My arms are sore from pushing you away. My head is aching and my eyes are exhausted, because the more I run toward the blackness, the less purpose my life has. Everything blurs. It all starts to fade.
There will always be a reason to run. And they say life is a race, anyway. But I’m changing my direction. I’m running toward that light at the end of the tunnel this time. I understand the crisis. The crisis was me…people like me…a world like me. I can’t change the world, but I can change the path I choose to take.
Now-I’m running toward you.”
If you are feeling the weight of a crisis (in the world, our generation, this culture, or your own personal life), you’re not alone.
You can run the race of life in a whole new direction.
I challenge you to either write your own prayer to God, or go ahead and use mine. God doesn’t care if your prayers are perfectly said & eloquent. He accepts the raw, “rough drafts”, too.
It’s never too late focus your eyes on His radiating light.