Lack of love.
As a young woman in the crazy city of La La Land, I often find myself extremely saddened by the amount of girls that are seeking love and affirmation in all the wrong places. Why does it sadden me? Because I’ve been that girl. Haven’t we all? This generation puts so much pressure on sex…sexiness…a “standard” of photo-shopped perfection that we tell ourselves we must live up to. Aside from the pressure we get from the media, where are we getting our example of good love? In a generation that is full of broken families and common divorce, it’s hard to find a real picture of what love & a healthy lifestyle even look like.
One of the main causes of female insecurity is a lack of love. Inside each and every one of us (especially women) is a deep longing for love. We want to be liked. Doesn’t facebook remind us of that on a daily basis? Sure-we write and post because we have something to share. But what does it truly mean to us if no one likes it? While facebook, and the general desire for love, is a very normal thing, we have to be careful. Guarding out hearts is crucial to maintaining a healthy lifestyle as a young woman. We have to be careful of not only where we are seeking this love and affirmation, but what lengths we will go to in order to find it.
The list of insecurities…
We all have insecurities. However, these insecurities leave us feeling vulnerable and not “liked”. We long for love. We search for the fairytale. But our insecurities can lead us to a very rocky road on this search for happiness. To start things off, why don’t I share some of my lifelong insecurities with you. That’s right. We all have them. I’m a girl, just like you. From the physical to the deep & emotional, we all have areas of our lives that we feel are seriously lacking. Growing up, especially in middle & high school, it seemed that my list of insecurities never ended. I could have filled a library full of diaries with my issues. Here are a couple of my vulnerable insecurities that I have struggled with throughout my life:
-Tiny, tiny me. Do you all remember those girls in middle school who already looked like women? Well, I wasn’t one of those. I was always the tiniest girl in my classes. “Awww, cute”, you might be thinking. Not so much. At the root of every little girl, we long for the day we can be real women…be taken seriously. I was small…didn’t know how to apply makeup…never knew how to do hair…my idea of fashion sense was knee high Spice Girl socks with a musical theater t-shirt…I had NO boobs (none. none. seriously-none.). I remember feeling like I would never be truly beautiful, which I translated into feeling like I would never be loved.
-Abandonment. I always felt like I was unable to complain about my family life. My family loves me. They support me. They are amazing. I was so blessed to have my real dad (who some would technically call a step father), who chose to be my dad and chose to be in my life. While this is a blessing, and completely changed my future, that doesn’t change the past. My biological father essentially chose not to be in my life. I always tried my best to not let that get to me, but when the man who was put in your life to protect, love, and set the standard for love in your life chooses not to be in your life, your picture of love becomes quite blurred. So many people struggle with fatherlessness. Whether it’s from abandonment, divorce, or death…many girls lose the man who was meant to set the bar and remind them that they deserve the fairytale.
The GPS to finding love.
We all have insecurities. Maybe yours are similar to mine, and maybe you have your own unique set of struggles. Regardless, we are all human and life doesn’t always come with an easy path. But we have to be careful not to let our insecurities take over. If you’re viewing your life as a journey, you need a compass. Okay, it’s 2012…you need a GPS. What’s guiding you? If we are all on this journey to find love, who and what is leading us, and which roads are we taking?
I can tell you from experience that when I allowed my insecurities to guide me, I ended up on some very rocky, unstable roads. My insecurities sent me seeking love in unhealthy relationships, in toxic friendships, and in complete isolation.
However, when I finally decided to plug God into my GPS, I took some very different turns. I found myself content. I found myself happy. I found myself in healthy relationships with flourishing, life-filling friendships. If my life before was stuck in a dark tunnel, my life on the “God GPS” was like a constant light at the end of that tunnel. It’s not that you’ll never have struggles, but you’ll always have a light guiding you to exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Quick tips for a love-filled, healthy lifestyle.
-You’re your own worst critic. Change the way you talk to yourself. We are ALL uniquely beautiful and wonderfully made. Stop comparing yourself to others. There’s already one of “her”…but there’s only one YOU. Be the best you possible. I challenge you to make a list of ten things today you love about yourself…inside and out.
-Change the route on your GPS. Who/what is guiding you today? If you are letting insecurities, stress, depression, or circumstances guide you, you will end up in a ditch (trust me-I’ve been there). But if you let go of that control and let God guide your life, you will not only have a huge burden off your shoulders, but your path will be healthy and full of love.
-Stop dwelling. We can’t change the past. We can’t forget what’s been done. I’m not asking you to pretend nothing has ever gone wrong. We can’t change our pasts, but we can change our futures. Don’t let past decisions, heartbreaks, or family brokenness lead you down a dark path. Maybe you need to forgive. Or maybe you need to be forgiven. Receive God’s grace and start over. Today is a new day…and you are made brand new.
Why all of these tips? What does this have to do with love? Because…
You can’t receive love until you can learn to love yourself.
We tend to accept the love we think we deserve, which is really not a good place to be. God loves you so much! He actually thinks that YOU are the most beautiful, brilliant, talented, capable woman. Believe that. Live it out. When you learn to love the woman you are, you will attract healthy, genuine love in your life.
Tomorrow is a new day. It can be a new you. Reset your GPS on your quest for love and make sure you know who & what is guiding that journey.