So, this is going to be one of those extremely embarrassing blog posts that I will probably regret later on. But here goes nothing.
On Monday morning, I was excited to start my week. I was going through my usual to-do list…trying to figure out what needed to be done. This always included my typical budgeting. I start each week by looking at my bank account, evaluating how much more money I’ll be making that month, and I budget & make sure I don’t spend too much.
Usually this is a pain-free part of my to-do list…but this time it through me into an immediate panic attack. I looked at my bank account and realized I was missing money…a lot of money.
I immediately burst into tears. I’m so good with money…I never spend too much…I’m not a shopper. I couldn’t figure out what had happened. I was trying to think of what I had spent money on, but I was sure I had been staying within my budget. After the tears came the anxiety. My skin began to sweat, my eyes couldn’t stop weeping, and my dog was looking at me like I was a freak. I was panicking because I knew that exactly one week from that day, rent would be due. And I was short by a lot.
I started texting my boyfriend frantically. I told him about how confused I was and that I had no idea what I could do to solve this serious problem. His reaction surprised me. He was calm. Seriously?! He told me I had nothing to worry about, and that I needed to go talk to God and have faith. I thought this was ridiculous. In a time like this?! Talk to God? But I’m in a serious state of panic! Nathan reminded me that God had been blessing me so much, and that I really had nothing to worry about. He made me list all of the things God had been blessing me with…and slowly but surely my “level 10” worry went down to…maybe a…9.
After a series of deep breaths, I sat down on the floor and prayed. But I didn’t ask God for money…I just tried my best to thank Him for everything He had been doing in my life. I knew God had been taking care of me…more than I even deserve. But I was terrified of what would happen if I didn’t somehow come up with that missing money.
In that moment of prayer, I had a lightbulb moment.
I remembered that I had gotten paid last week and just never deposited the money into my account! I had the money…it wasn’t missing! It just wasn’t visible in my account because I hadn’t taken it to the bank yet. I was overcome by joy and relief…and stupidity. I don’t know if it was more embarrassing to tell God what happened, or my boyfriend.
I guess my point of this whole story is that no matter how much God blesses me, I’m so quick to lose all faith in Him. Why do we do that? God can open every door for me…and as soon as I have an ounce of doubt, I freak out.
Fear does this to us….which is why my favorite bible verse says “the perfect love casts out all fear.”
Today I encourage you to let your faith be bigger than your fear. No matter what is going on in your life, try to remember the incredible things God has done for you before jumping into crisis mode.